You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
