In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
