i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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