Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
