There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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