he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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