Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
