Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
