Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need to sanitize my soul.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
