I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
