We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
