This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
