your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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