I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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