i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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