Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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