I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize