i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
