It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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