White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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