moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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