Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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