pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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