During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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