dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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