Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
