these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
