She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
