Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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