Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am one with the molecules
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
