I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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