I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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