I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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