Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
