finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
