i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
