just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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