The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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