doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
