Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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