My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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