I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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