At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
