Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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