I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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