I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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