no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
