And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
