I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
