I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
