Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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