From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
