Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
