My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
