The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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