i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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