Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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