You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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