My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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