I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
