We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
