I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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