tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
