my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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