I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize