just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
