I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
