I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
