and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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