Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
