random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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