census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
