Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
