Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
