I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
