im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Randomize